pilot jokes

England are to have a new captain next week. His name is Roger Smith and he's the pilot for the flight home.

Remember, you are statistically more likely to be killed by a donkey than a plane crash. [Donkey Pilot turns and does throat slit gesture]

Was The Little Mermaid directed by a pilot? Because it's mostly Ariel footage.

"Sir you can't bring your dog onto the plane" [labradoodle puts on tiny pilot hat] "Omg captain I'm so sorry"

Air Asia Accident - java reference So some remains of the Air Asia Airline were found in the Java sea. Guess the pilot didnt C#.

What's the difference between god and pilots? God doesn't think he's a pilot.

"Knock knock." "Who is there?" "The pilot, open this damn door"

What do you call a pregnant stewardess? Pilot error

Everyone at this party is talking like a pilot.. ...they all keep saying they have to take off in the morning.

What kind of whale flies? Pilot whales!

My friend, Jack, is a pilot I said one day, "hi,jack" He.shot me.

Kessel Run With his latest crash, Harrison Ford has become the first pilot to complete the Kessel Run in 12 over Par-secs.

Why did the plane crash Because the pilot was a loaf of bread

Tower: Lufthansa 893 you're number one check for workers on the taxiway. Pilot: Roger ..... We've checked they're all working.

"Knock, Knock!" "Who's there?" "The Pilot, let me in!"

Knock knock... Who's there? The pilot, let me in.

"That's not Captain Kirk." is what I like to say just after the pilot makes his first announcement & then everyone laughs in my head.

A pilot, a vegan, and an atheist walk into a bar... I know because they told everyone within a minute.

What do you call a Muslim who is also a pilot? Greg if you're a friend, Gregory if you were introduced, Mr. Abdalla if you're doing business with one another.

What do you call a black person flying a plane? A pilot.. you racist bastard!

[on intercom] Pilot: does anyone know how to land an airplane? asking for a friend, i swear

What do you call a black man flying an airplane? A pilot, you fucking racist.

What do you call an asian women who flies an airplane? A pilot, you fucking racist.

What do you call a Muslim Flying an airplane A pilot