Did you hear about the Emu that was so big it was kicked out of the flock? Yeah, I heard it was ostrich-sized. (Credit to my Veterinary Student girlfriend)
student jokes
416 total · showing the first 120 · page 2 of 5
Why did the student fail the exam? Spent too much time figuring out the Engels, so he didnt get the Marx.... thats what he gets for Stalin
A new report says that the average U.S. University Freshman reads at a 7th grade level. To any College Freshmen out there, big words say you can't read big words.
Conversation with my Dad. Me: "The teacher was talking about strangling a student today!" Dad:"She was probably just choking."
Why can't you tell a Philosophy Student a good joke? You need to give a three hour lecture and turn in a research paper on "What is 'good'?" first.
Tall girls might get modeling contracts but I can still ask for the high school student discount.
Life plan: 1. Befriend shady people. 2. Witness a murder. 3. Enter witness protection & get new name. 4. So long student loans!
A student brought me 20 huge homemade chocolate chip cookies today. Good thing I have self-control--I saved one for my kids. To split.
Solution to overpopulation Professor : "Over population is a big problem in our country. A woman in India gives birth every minute!" Student : "Somebody should stop her!!"
A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence... "My father grows beans," said one girl. "My mother cooks beans," said a boy. A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans."
Teacher: Why are you late? Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill. Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it? Student: No. I was standing on it.
What comes after 69?... Teacher: What comes after 69? Student: Mouthwash. Teacher: Get out!
He told me he was my daddy during sex. Then he acted all weirded out when I started crying and asked him to pay off my student loans.
Student: I'll never be good at geography. Geography teacher: Not with that latitude!
What is the difference between a camel and a college student? Camel can go days without drinking!
A Zen student asked his master, "Is it OK to use email?" "Yes," replied the master, "But no attachments."
how did the art student make a million dollar work of art? He started with 2 million.
Teacher - if my cup is half full, what does that mean? Student - that you need a smaller bra!
Yes, I'm a professor. I teach intercourse 101 and my wife is the only student. She's getting a D
Teacher And Student Teacher: What are some products of the West Indies? Student: I don't know. Teacher: Of course, you do. Where do you get sugar from? Student: We borrow it from our neighbor.
A Physics student is standing on the roof of a building preparing to leap to his death.... His professor calls out to him, "Stop! You have so much potential!"
What did the black student get on his SATs? Barbecue sauce
I don't mean to brag about my patience, but I just waited 5 whole seconds before passing a student driver and flicking them off.
Math Teacher: "If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have?" Student: "A drinking problem."