religion jokes

I know you didn't sneeze. I said "God bless you" because your baby is ugly.

I stand right next to the "God Hates Fags" guy with a sign that says "Please Ignore My Ex-Boyfriend"

Instagram is down! I'm freaking out! What are you people eating? How are your pets? What the hell is happening???

How does a Rabbi make tea? Hebrews it.

*bullies advance* STOP! Im a black belt in Shaq Fu! <laughter> *detectives arrive* Jesus, were these heads slam-dunked? Where r the bodies?

A priest, blonde, jew, black guy, chinese guy, and a gay guy walk into a bar. The bartender asks "What is this, some kind of joke?"

What is the difference between acne and a catholic priest? Acne doesn't come on your face until you're 13

*bursts into starbucks* Me: DO YOU GUYS HAVE A POWER OUTLET Barista: yeah over there Me: oh thank god *plugs in a mechanical bull*

Knock knock joke I came up with over Christmas Knock knock Who's there? Would you like to talk about Jesus?

That awkward moment when the Priest uses YOUR confession as the theme for his sermon. Again.

How do you measure the mass of God? Yahweh it of course.

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? The picture only takes one nail

Got in a car wreck while reading a church sign today... ...the Son was in my eyes.

Hollywood should remake "Freaky Friday" between a priest and a scientist. The Title should be "Converting the Masses"

How do you piss off a redditor? This GOD-DAMN joke has been reposted SO many times, and its not even clever in the first place!!! Im super serial guys, knock it off.

What kind of sex does a priest have? Nun.

My sister said to me: Where do Tie Fighters sit in church? In the *pew*.

A priest and a rabbi are walking together. The priest sees an attractive young boy and asks the rabbi , do you want to fuck him? The rabbi asks , out of what?

If Jesus really loved me he would have died and resurrected himself a few more times to give me some extra public holidays.

What do you get when you cross an atheist and a christian? An argument

A priest and a rabbi walk into the bar. The bar tender says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"

Guys, can we please stop making jokes about Donald Trump? Otherwise, we'll all have hell toupee.

A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar... ...and they have a good time because because they're not fucking assholes.

God gave us the brain to work out problems. However, we use it to create more problems.